I am getting more confident on dealing with the situation where beggars — usually Indian, not so many Nepalis as I have observed — around Boudha stop you asking for your generosity. But let’s see first what previous experiences I had.
My First Experience
It still reverberates in my mind one of the first intense poverty images. A 4-5 year old girl, alone, only wearing a t-shirt, so her private parts were exposed, with with a lot of dirt in her face. Next to her a wounded cow. The cow started pooping. A hungry street dog was running quickly towards the poo and would start eagerly devouring it.
I remember in Rajasthan a long walkway with many beggars with limbs amputated walking or dragging their bodies towards the tourists to ask for some money. The experience was quite visceral. It was my first time in a country with high levels of poverty so I felt overwhelmed.
I remember they were asking for money, and I was reluctant to give money directly for two reasons: (1) you expose your money container and (2) in many cases they drown their sorrows in alcohol, so the sum of money should be large enough to produce an actual change in their life.
It was when all of a sudden a mother that was holding her baby daughter came to me gesturing the eating action while passing in front of an apple trolley carried by a fruit seller. Then I thought Of course, I can buy you apples and I bought some for her. Other beggars at seeing this started hoarding towards me, 4 at least, also mimicking the same eating gesture. Then I had to leave that area as quickly as possible so to prevent being more overwhelmed.
I kind of built a defensive wall against poverty. I was tired to see child beggars being orchestrated by adults. I was aware that between class 1-8 children are entitled the right of education, so I confidently was telling those children that they should be at school, while seeing the orchestrator feeling how much money he had already received from those kids in his pocket. It’s incredible how poverty can generate an economy around it by itself…
The Girl That Changed My Pattern
Still in Rajasthan, one day, getting off the taxi, after walking 20 meters a little girl, dirty, in ragged clothes came to me, and I was aversive towards her thinking it was an other puppet from an adult collecting money. I was ignoring her until I realized she was insisting on giving me something. That, which intended to give, was actually 20 dollars worth of Indian currency that I had dropped — I knew because she was pointing at where the car dropped me. I was shocked at her honesty. I froze. I was so stupid that I accepted the money, still frozen while she was leaving… Instead I should have given her those 20 dollars as a reward for her honesty… I felt very bad. So from there onwards I decided to be more relaxed and open. She shattered my ego.
The Famous “Give Me Rice”
In Boudha I started getting into the habit of getting small notes (10, 20, 50, 100 rupee notes) so that every time a beggar stops I can give to him without hesitating. I know he or she would expect more, but if I give higher amounts then that would bring more people, whereas a smaller amount helps them enough so they don’t come always to me when I visit the place, I found that a nice middle way. Also inspired by a monk in Kopan which every time he sees a beggar has taken the moral vow to always give them rupees.
I anticipate them asking many times, and I offer 100 rupees straight away. But I noticed that sometimes they reject it and I will explain why.
First one lady holding her baby asked straight for rice instead of money. I agreed. We went to the nearest shop and the seller charged me 1050 rupees (suspicious that 50… I thought at first). It’s expensive but those 5 kg of rice will last them long I thought. Well next day I passed in the same street the same woman asked me again for rice and then I started laughing. “You ate 5 kg of rice in one day?” I told her, “Don’t you even remember my face? I gave you yesterday the rice! You sold it?”
From then onwards I stopped also buying food to them unless it’s something they can’t resell easily.
Let’s get back at the idea of offering 100 rupees before they even ask. I did it with a 12 year old child in front of Mahendra Boudha Higher Secondary School. Before that he introduced himself and we briefly chat about our life using a very gramatically correct and well pronunced English — impressive. Then I offered myself to give him 100 rupees. But he didn’t take them, he said “Brother, that’s not good karma”. Who is he to talk to me about karma (I thought). He said he would prefer to buy something from the supermarket for his family instead. I start to see where all this is going. I asked that I would buy something only if the price is not too high. He mentioned some vegetable oil — which I would agree to pay, since a small bag can be 200-400 rupees.
We enter the supermarket he directed me towards. And… there he is standing in front of the oil section. And what was there? A massive bottle of 2 L of oil. I ask the shop tender how much was that and she said 1,500 rupees! I told him I will not buy something so expensive. Next to it was a smaller bottle but still very expensive. “I will not buy you something you will resell right after, my friend”. Then I leaved, confidently being aware of my actions. Then he comes running after me “What about the 200 rupees?” he asked. I replied “I will offer you now only 100, because you knew I was aware of those scams and yet you brought me to the supermarket to try it”.
I told him that if he could use that intelligence, cunning, warmth and good English to a honest activity that would project him quickly up. And… would be better karma.
Just right after him a man with the face very deformed by some disease passed in front and I gave him full 200 hundred to him and greeted me with kindness. Next day the same man with the deformed face waved me without the intention of collecting money from me again.
Conclusion
It’s important for me to feel relaxed.
To not get your ego affected in neither the (1) I don’t want them to give money because it’s mine and they should find work nor (2) I don’t want them to give money because they will spend it in alcohol or it won’t get them out of poverty nor (3) I don’t want to give them money because they will get used to begging.
If my mind is relaxed I can confidently practice generosity without thinking about all those things, only with a positive mind that this money that I made working now I’m giving to others without expecting anything in return.
We forget that part of the act of giving is also from our side: giving what we have. Before, I put personally too much emphasis on the receiving part because I didn’t want to be fooled, which is a defence mechanism of the ego. I’m still calibrating this middle way!